Conservatism and Misogyny: Same?

WARNING: I used a lot of bad language in this.  Forgive me.

So, I shared this picture on Facebook:

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And the first comment I receive is from a friend going “Fucking really? Spare me.”

Now, I don’t take crap like that lying down, so my first response (done via mobile at work) was:

I love you, but you’re not female.

I have been told before that my stranger rape was my fault because I didn’t do enough to prevent it.

I have been told that I’m a slut for using birth control, by random people in line at the pharmacy who don’t know me or my situation.  Pharmacists right now in this country deny women birth control based on false stereotypes, “religion” and “values.”  Women get vilified for going into women’s clinics by people who have no knowledge of the situation or reason, nor do they know what women’s clinics are even for, besides abortion.

And our lawmakers are mostly old white MEN.  Do I even need to remind you about the ACA panel on birth control that contained NOT ONE SINGLE WOMAN on it?

There is a huge problem with this in our country.  But you’re a man, so unless you decide to really educate yourself, you’ll never experience or even see it happen.

The response from him went as such:

I have educated myself.  Please don’t confuse misogyny with conservatism.  There are quite a lot of variants within that mindset.  Gender biases are a polarizing thing in this country, being too aggressive one way or the other won’t help the situation.  Unfortunately, these old fuckers on capitol hill won’t change, but they’ll be dead soon.  That’s the only thing to look forward too.

Continue reading “Conservatism and Misogyny: Same?”

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Boys to Avoid, or Stop Shitting on Teenage Feminism

So, I came across this picture on Tumblr.

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And beneath it was a whole boat-ton of really shitty comments bashing on the chick who made this for, well, pretty much making it. Except for #2 and #4, obviously. She’s smart on those two. I’m rolling my eyes so hard I can see my brain.

It was a lot of bashing the gender studies’ teacher that was proud of her for doing it, calling the OP “awful” for making it especially because it mentions feminism, it made the post all about bashing on this girl because they think she means “if you hate feminism you must be awful,” and “oh there should be one for guys” and…Apparently people get butthurt if you decide that you don’t want shitty people in your life.

I got pissed off. Why? Because I’m really fucking sick of people bashing on teenage girls that want to be feminist and are trying to discover why feminism exists and what it does. That is the entire reason they bashed on this girl. And I’m the one who’s “overreacting” for feeling that a) it was a very sexist attack and b) it doesn’t have to be about boys vs girls.

I am really fucking sick and tired of people hating on feminist girls for not liking boys all of the time. Because all you are doing is encouraging the stereotype of the man-hating feminist. I am a feminist (a liberal one mind you) and I am pretty much straight. I like boys. I date boys. I have a boy I want to marry.

But let me tell you now, boys are not all that great all of the time. And I really dislike the fact that you want to shit all over some girls that says “I want to date boys but there are some shitty ass men on this planet (I may have even had some encounters with some) so let me classify some of this so that those boys can stay the fuck away from me.” You hate on it and turn it around and be like “Then men need one so they can stay away from you”…

Well you’ve completely missed the point then haven’t you?

Continue reading “Boys to Avoid, or Stop Shitting on Teenage Feminism”

In Defense of Emilie Autumn

This rant is on this blog and not on my ranty blog because it’s a popular media rant.

A little background as to why I’m writing this.

I’m trying to change my Tumblr theme.  Again.  And I found this cute little Sailor Moon “Fight Like a Girl” artwork.  And I was like “Hey, I can use this with some cute lolita theme and make it all Emilie Autumn and badass cutesy-ness.”  So I Googled EA so that I could amass pics of her (because I lost my former collection when I lost my old computer.)  And I see in the bar above the images some related things and one says “Violin Bow Incident” so being the curious cat I am, I clicked on it.  Sigh.  Bullshit…bullshit…bullshit…did I expect to find anything here really?  But then I see this confessions sort of thing and it says this:

I hope my patients never find out about EA.  She does exactly what you SHOULD NOT DO when it comes to mental illness; lets it define her, rule her life, and uses it as an excuse to be cruel, insensitive and avoid her obligations.

What what?

Okay, I’m an EA fan yes.  But I’m not crazy stalker fan type.  As y’all have seen here on Tumblr, I like a butt-ton of things.  I obsess over a lot.  Right now, I’d tell you that I’m far and away more interested and obsessed over wrestling than EA.  And I actually keep up with Veronica Varlow more than EA herself.

But what?

Let me just…

Continue reading “In Defense of Emilie Autumn”

This is why no one takes feminism seriously

This is, in actuality, a response to another blog post that one of my *ahem* friends decided I needed to see.

The post can be found here.

Okay, so I can’t hold this in anymore.  And I’m sorry to my readers for some of the graphic things that may be in here.  I’ll try to warn you about them so you can skip them.

Are you crazy?  I mean, have you been diagnosed?  Because this, this is nuts.

For one, I’m not even going to talk about how insulting this is to men.  I mean, this insults your own father.  I don’t know your family history, and you don’t have an “about me” but I’m going to assume you have a mom and a dad like everyone else and that at some point they decided to have a child and that child was you.  So you’re saying your dad raped your mom and that your mom didn’t really want to have you as a child?  Because that’s what you’re saying.

Even if it’s not true of you.  Maybe you are the product of a rape, and that’s a hard thing to wrap your mind around.  Maybe your mom decided to do in vitro, or your dad left when you were really young.  But essentially what you’re saying is that every child that’s born (almost every child) is going to be a product of rape.  *looks at my dad sitting across from me*  Yeah that’s not happening.  I mean, look at my family.  My daddy is in a wheelchair (he has CP, been disabled his whole life.  This is not new) and my mommy has beaten up Marines.  I don’t really believe he could rape her even if he had wanted to.   My parents loved each other for a long time, and even though that didn’t last (let’s be honest, nothing in life is everlasting and unchanging) there was certainly no rape involved in the making of me or my little sister.

Not to mention the worry I have for any family you might want to start.  God forbid you end up giving birth to a boy.  What are you going to teach him?  That his penis makes him less of a person?  Are you going to be okay if the boy turns out to like girls?

So besides insulting every good man that has ever wanted to settle down with a good woman and raise a family, you’re insulting so many, many more people.

First, I am a rape victim.

If you wanna know the story, go to my blog(s).  I’ve enumerated it a lot and I’ve talked all about the fact that I put his ass in jail for 25 years too.

I am an open and outspoken rape “victim.”  To be quite honest, I’ve never personally liked the term “victim” but whateves.  I didn’t know the man.  I was 15.  I was on my way to school.  It is a moment I have never forgotten and it is a story I have told numerous times to numerous people.  I am not afraid of it.  It was never my fault, and it doesn’t define who I am.

But you, obviously, don’t know what rape is.

RAPE IS NOT AN ACT OF SEX.  IT IS AN ACT OF VIOLENCE.

While a rapist may receive some sexual gratification in the act he performs, rape is not an act of sex.  Sex is only a small part of it – like the kidnapping of a woman you plan to skin.  The actual gratification comes from inflicting the violence on the woman.  In my previous example, the actual skinning of our fictional woman would serve the same purpose.  This is why we hear about serial killers receiving some sort of sexual gratification during the act of murder.  Murder is not sex.  It is violence.  Rape is not sex.  It is violence inflicted on a woman in the same way murder is.

You cannot talk about rape if you don’t actually know what rape is.

Your definition is of rape is also all sorts of logically wrong.  A good, useful definition of rape would be “any sexual act committed against another human being without their consent.”  And I am a consent advocate so consent, to me, is defined as the presence of a yes, not the absence of a no.

For two, I am a woman and this is still insulting.

It assumes that a woman, any woman, doesn’t have any libido.  Women don’t experience any biological drives to have sex.  That’s all men.

Wrong.

So very wrong.

You can’t turn off a woman’s biological drive to reproduce.  That is how our species carries on.  That is how we populated the Earth.  Animals experience it and so do we or humans wouldn’t exist.  So before you talk about how “men have screwed science and it’s not the truth,” use the brain God gave you a little bit.

What you are saying is that any woman who is, by societal standards, normal and sane cannot possibly have a sex drive and want to a) have sex with men and b) settle down and start a family.

It is not wrong to want to have sex.
It is not wrong to want to have sex with men.
It is not wrong to want to find a partner, male or female, to settle down and have a life with.
It is not wrong to want to have children and to start a family.

None of those things make you less of a person.

It’s insulting to your own family to say that.

And obviously, from your description of sex, you’ve never had it.  (Ahem, for those who don’t like things graphic, you might wanna skip this next paragraph)

For one, I know plenty of men that don’t have anything near a “large member.”  I mean….average being about 5 or 6 inches….I have dildos larger than most of my boyfriends.  And that’s just talking about length, not width.  Width can actually be more problematic.  But I’ve been with skinny, short men and short, wide men and long, skinny men.  A man’s dick is about as different as each woman’s set of boobs.  On top of that “forcing her to be completely naked” is only really what happens in porn.  I’ve had sex outside, in movie theaters, in churches, in beds, on couches, in pools, on floors, in/on/around rolling chairs…for some of those, I was completely naked.  For others it was “pull the undies aside” and I never lost a shred of clothing.  “Banging himself against her with the whole weight of his body” is also wrong, and really only applicable if you’re talking about doggie style.  I’ve been on the bottom, where his whole weight against you would actually crush you and it’s actually hard for a guy to move like that so usually they prop themselves up.  I’ve been on top, where it’s me doing all the slamming and shaking and him mostly laying there and feeling me up.  I’ve reverse cowgirled it, where all he can do is feel my back and booty and I grind back and forth and there’s no slamming involved.  I’ve been on the bottom where I’m lying down and he’s standing up and there’s no weight on me at all.  I’ve been bent over things, I’ve been lifted and twisted in all sorts of ways.  My hunny in particular likes to have both of us laying down and him behind me and it’s a lot of back and forth grinding and no actual slamming and certainly no weight on me.  I’m tiny after all.  [I’m not actually over “shaking her like he would stuff a corpse” because WTF kind of description is that to begin with?!  How would you even know how to stuff a corpse and on top of it, I’m sure it doesn’t happen quite like that.]  “Then using her insides as a receptacle for his penile dejection” is also kinda misleading because that’s not where his cum can go.  I’ve swallowed cum, I’ve had guys jack off on me (yay titty fucking!) I’ve had boys cum in my and around me and I’ve had guys cum in condoms and towels instead (mutual masturbation can be fun too.)  And I know what an orgasm feels like, I’ve had them and nothing you say can make me think I haven’t.  Female orgasms aren’t a myth.

(Y’all squeamish people out there might want to skip this paragraph too.)  What about oral sex?  Is it okay for a woman to want to suck a man off?  What about a man who wants to lavish his tongue on my most intimate bits?  I had a boyfriend whose favorite breakfast was my pussy.  What about masturbation?  My fingers are wonderful for some things.  But fingering myself can be awkward and painful.  Yay for sex toys!  But wait!  Doesn’t that mean, if I use a dildo, I’m raping myself?  I can’t possibly enjoy being filled up, but I’ve done it to myself.  How does that fit in your little black and white sex world?  I haven’t even gone over people who like sex that’s shades less than vanilla.  Women who use strap-ons to penetrate their male counterparts as part of the game.  Women who strap a man down, put a cock ring on him and ride him until she can’t cum anymore.  The whole point is that these men are not in control.  There are also women out there who are so sick of having to be in control of everything – their bills, their house, their job – that all they want to do is give it up to someone and let it all go.  Are you saying those woman are asking to be raped because they want to give total control over to a man?

Ahem, so now that we’ve gone over the fact that you’ve never had fun sex in your life, let’s talk about your privilege a little.

See, your problem here also assumes that the only correct way to be sexually active is to be homosexual or asexual.  You believe that you should either never have sex or that you should only have sex with those of the same biological sex as you.

For one, let’s agree that your sexuality isn’t a choice.  I don’t like vagina.  I like boobies, I’ve kissed woman and I’ve been in a few threesomes.  But I’ve never gone down on a woman or fingered a woman or anything like that because I am not interested in vagina.  I like cock.  I like being filled and stretched and pounded and occasionally I want to be metaphorically ripped in half by a giant man dick.

For two, let’s check that cishet privilege.

What about our trans brothers and sisters?  What about a MTF trans who enjoys having sex with men?  Is he a gay man because he was born a boy?  Or is he now a woman who is being raped by men?  What about a MTF who enjoys sex with women?  Was he a rapist before his surgery and he’s okay now?  Or does the surgery not matter to you and even if she’s post-surgery she’s still “male” and it’s therefore rape?  What about female trans?  What about a FTM who likes sex with boys?  Was she raped before her surgery, but she’s a man now so it’s okay?  Or is it always rape because she was born a girl?  What about a FTM who likes sex with women?  Was she okay when she was biologically a girl but now she’s a rapist because she’s a boy?  Is it different for pre- and post-surgery transsexuals?

What about those with a different gender identity who don’t want the surgery?  A woman who looks like a boy, takes testosterone and still wants sex with boys.  Is she being raped?  She doesn’t identify as female though.  Or a man who identifies as females, might have the breasts and takes estrogen but doesn’t want to go through gender reassignment surgery.  If she likes women, is she raping them?

I mean, I’m a woman.  A vagina is a lot of work to begin with.  Regardless of whether or not I have sex, I should get a pap smear every year to make sure I don’t develop cancer.  After 40, I should get mammograms to make sure I don’t have breast cancer, which I could have received from hanging around my mother when she smoked and has nothing to do with whether or not I’ve had sex with a man.  Cancer itself can come from numerous sources and has nothing to do with whether or not I’ve had sex.  I will still have to deal with a monthly period.  My body, regardless of what I do, will prepare itself for pregnancy and then violently get rid of all that stuff if I neglect to get pregnant.  I will still cramp like mad, both in the front and in the back.  As a teenager, before I decided to have sex, I had a month where my cramps physically threw my back out.  Had nothing to do with a penis.  I would still experience vomiting from my cramps.  I would still experience fatigue that has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with being a woman.  Fatigue that interrupted my daily life and made it hard to stay awake for things like school and work.  The only way to stop any of that is to remove your uterus surgically.

I mean, I hate to break it to you but no one gets out of life alive.  Even if I never had sex in my life, I could die at any time.  I could have been born with cancer.  I could get hit by a car, or someone could rob my store and shoot me.  I could be knifed in a holdup by another woman.  Life is sort of a violent thing and pregnancy is not the sole killer of women.  I could have a heart attack, or a stroke or an aneurism.  All of that could kill me and none of it has anything to do with my gender.

I mean, as woman in the 21st century, we’re lucky that we don’t necessarily need intercourse for pregnancy.  Back in the day however, intercourse was really the only way to get the semen from men (which is necessary for pregnancy) to where it needed to be to get pregnant.  I mean, what was a woman going to do in Ancient Egypt if she wanted a child?  I don’t think they even had turkey basters then!  In vitro doesn’t always work either; even now sexual intercourse is the best way to assure a pregnancy.

But even more important than all of this is the fact that you, as a woman, are helping the patriarchy by saying this.

For one, it gives men an excuse to not take anyone who calls themselves a feminist seriously.  Because they will all classify us like you and then we don’t get anywhere because we’re deemed “crazy.”  Why should men listen to us, why should they work with us on anything if we spout nutty bullshit like this?

For two, it strengthens rape culture by nullifying the feelings of any woman who has actually been traumatized by rape.  Now, a woman who has been traumatized by a man taking advantage of her in any of the numerous ways that he could have done that has to sit next to a woman who hasn’t gone through any of that and hear about how she’s been raped and it’s so dehumanizing.  That other woman, the real victim?  She’s going to shut up real quick.  Well, if all sex is rape then what happened to me?  Is what happened to me what happens to every woman who has sex?  Then why should I go to the cops?  All those rapists they put behind bars doesn’t mean anything because it’s other rapists putting them there.

All you have done is give the patriarchy more excuses to ignore us, and more reasons to shut up women who have truly experienced something unforgivable.  And it’s all because you bought into the men’s idea that one gender has to be the superior one.  The moment you believe women are superior to men, and not equal to them as human beings all around, than you’ve bought the bullshit.  You bought into the lie that someone has to be better than another.  The reality is, we are all humans and we’re all in this together.

The other reality is that you bought into the patriarchal lie that sex is the be-all, end-all of male/female relations.  It’s not.  It’s really not a big deal at all.  It is one of the smallest things in the spectrum of things that needs to be addressed.

You want to be a “radfem”?  Then be truly radical.

Stand up and say that we should all, male and female, be allowed to walk around naked without fear of rape or objectification.
Stand up and say that you recognize that women can be just as violent and judgmental as men.
Talk about the fact that there are women who have raped men out there, and that rape culture has marginalized those men because they don’t fit into the ideal of what a rape victim is.
Talk about the fact that there are women who have physically and emotionally abused men, and that those men have been marginalized by the patriarchy as well.
Next time you see a woman in a bar being harassed, speak up and help get her out of there.
Next time you see a woman harassing a man, speak up and tell her it’s not acceptable.
Next time you see a woman hit a man, call the cops on her.
Realize that there are men on our side, and that they are not the enemy.
Realize that the patriarchy hurts men just as much as it hurts women by making men believe that they have to fit into an ideal of masculinity that they aren’t comfortable with.
Believe that our sexual freedom is the key to our freedom from oppression, and that means that others get the freedom to choose things we might not agree with.
Be an advocate of “Enthusiastic Consent.”
Believe that there are women out there who will enthusiastically consent to sex with men, and that’s okay
Realize that sex is complicated, full of grey areas and that none of it is black and white.
Realize that people are complicated and all of us have different kinks.
Realize that these kinks exist on a spectrum and, so long as a person behaves in a way that is a) safe b) sane and c) consensual, then you have no right to judge them for what they like.
Believe that we have the right to have a family and a career; that we don’t have to pick one or the other.
Believe that a woman’s choice to have a family is just as powerful as her choice to be a lawyer or a doctor, because she will help shape that child.
Believe that not all men will raise children to buy into the patriarchy.
Understand that there are men out there with no women to help them raise their children, and they’re doing just fine.
Understand that women can be molesters too, that they can rape children and be general scumbags.
Teach your daughters not to hit back and teach your boys not to hit in the first place.

Maybe, just maybe then I will consider you a “radfem,” if you feel you need to use that term.  I don’t.

EDIT: 

I have since learned that “radfems” tend to be “trans-exclusionary.”  This is because they feel that gender, being a social construct (it is, by the way) shouldn’t exist, and therefore, a transgendered person isn’t really transgendered.  They’re just themselves.

That’s the idealistic version of it.  Most of the time, I’ve found anyone who identifies as “radfem” is also going to be transphobic under the guise of “trans-exclusionary.”  It is not something I support.

They also seem to misunderstand “transgender” or “gender fluid” for “transsexual.”  I personally find a difference in the terms.  A transgender is one that feels trapped by their forced gender role and dresses/acts outside of that imposed gender norm.  This is perfectly okay.  Transsexuals on the other hand are those that are uncomfortable with the biological sex they were born into and wish for surgery or something to change it.  Also, totally okay by me.  Just, a minor sort of difference.

Mostly, it’s a psychological difference in my mind.  I’m a psych major.  Go ahead, ask me about Body Dysmorphic Disorder and Gender Identity Disorder as it relates to the trans community.  I’ve thought about that a lot.

Rape-Culture, Quickly

This was too long for a status message on Facebook.

A quick note on some of the stuff I’ve been reading lately (I got here by reading a book review, mind you.  Damn linking.)  I don’t believe that “women taking precautions to prevent being raped” equals a “prevaling rape-culture” or “victim blaming.”  For the most part, all of those “precautions” I’ve read are common sense things (and we know common sense is lacking in this society) and are useful for simply attempting to avoid all sorts of bad things in general, not just rape.  Y’know, not going to a car in a dark parking lot alone at night itsn’t just good for preventing rape but preventing car-jacking or an armed robbery.

I am a rape victim (most of you will know this) and while I do NOT condone victim blaiming (it is ALWAYS the perpetrator’s fault.  ALWAYS) I don’t necessarily believe that knowledge of common sense Do’s and Do Not’s for women (because as much as I am an equalist I understand that biologically men and women are built very differently and that can carry with it certain advantages and disadvantages) means that a culture is “victim-blaming” women that may not have even been sexually assulted in their lives.

Sometimes, society is too politically correct for it’s own good.

EDIT:  The book review I was reading was on thebooksmugglers.com and was about the YA novel “Sister Red.”  The passage one reviewer read as “victim-blaming” I totally didn’t, though I do understand her point.  Quickly, the novel is a gorey retelling of “Red Riding Hood” where the two sisters hunt down what are mostly werewolves (I haven’t read the book myself, though I am interested in it.)  These particular werewolves like to hunt down pretty young women.  One of the sisters calls the pretty girls standing outside a club “Dragonflies” and she destests how they dress and act to attract desireable attention.  However, this is a world where most people DO NOT KNOW that these werewolves exist.  Nor do they know that the wolves feed on attractive young women.  She and the main male protagonist talk about how these girls look like they want to be eaten and if they knew better, they wouldn’t dress that way.

While you can extrapolated that to “well if you dress a certain way you’re asking to be raped,” if you take it IN THE CONTEXT OF THE STORY then it makes more sense.  Listen, if I knew that werewolves existed and were feeding on attractive young women, then I might not show so much skin and shit either.  While the way you dress in real life does not influence your chances of getting raped, IN THIS BOOK the way you dress DOES influence how tasty you look to a werewolf.  And lemme tell you, if a woman KNEW that wearing a dress was going to get her brutally and painfully murdered by a wolf intent on eating her, she’d think twice about wearing that dress in public.  IN THE CONTEXT OF THE STORY the comments and thoughts make perfect sense.  They are not blaming the girls for dressing like that because the girls know it will affect their survival chances.  They are remarking upon the fact that if they knew they were gonna be dinner, they might dress and act a bit differently.

You can read their review for yourself here.

Yesterday

So, yesterday was the day I testified in court on the details of my rape.

A little background, for those who may not know.  On December 10th, 2002 as I was walking toward the train station for school, I was attacked and raped by a man I do not know.  The attack happened around the trails behind Shoshone Park.  I was 15 at the time of my rape.  My mother helped me call 911 when I got home and I went and had a rape kit done and everything (including taking way too many pills for various things.)  DNA was found in that rape kit and as a result we had two breakthroughs on the case.

The first was in 2007, when the DNA connected my case to another assault case that occurred on the Buffalo State College campus.  The woman in that case was not raped, but she fended off the attacker and he got away, leaving his hat behind.  The hair found in the hat matched that found in my rape.

The second was in February of 2010.  I was working overnights at the time, so I slept during the day.  Halfway through my phone goes off, once with a text message, once with a phone call and once to alert me that I had a voicemail.  I ignored all at the time, thinking it was probably unimportant.  When I woke up, I checked my text message first.  It was from my mom and it said that a woman named Jackie was about to call me.  She was the detective on my case at the time.  Apparently the DNA had finally hit in the database and they had his name.  The voicemail reiterated that.  After 7 long years they finally had his name.  They finally found him.

From there, they went through the process of putting him through the justice system.  I had an ADA from the Special Victims Bureau in Buffalo offer a deal the accused turned it down.  In July of 2010 I went and testified in front of the Grand Jury as to what had happened.  They returned with 6 indictments.  From what I gather, 3 of them are of forcible rape of some kind (I am not sure whether or not a sodomy charge has gone into this) and 3 of them are for statutory rape (since I was 15 at the time.) The trial date was then set for May.

And here we are.  Yesterday was the most nerve-wracking, scariest day of my life.  It’s hard to describe to anyone what sitting up on that stand and telling a room full of strangers (with 4 exceptions: the ADA, my dad and my sister, and the CAC advocate.) about the worst day of my life.  I went through the entire ordeal, I specified as much as I could.  I went through the direct aftermath and the immediate aftermath (what happened to my grades, how I handled other people, the effects of all the medications that I had.)  I was shown several photos and aerial views of the location of my attack and asked to point to the locations where it happened.  I had to mark my intended route on a map and mark where exactly everything occurred.  I had to view photos of myself from the hospital afterward.  I’m grateful I didn’t have to answer any questions about the 911 call (which I’ve heard.)  And I had to be cross-examined.  To which I will give the defense attorney a lot of credit.  For the most part, I was asked questions about protocol (although I can’t really give much for that) and he only asked one question that would make someone uncomfortable.

I was told that my testimony should be videotaped to teach others how to testify.  That’s how good I was.  To tell the truth, it was only the need to see justice done that kept me composed enough to testify.  I cried for a lot of it.  When I would stop, I’d look over at my sister and the site of her in distress just made me start again.  I was so nervous I kept rocking in the seat I was in because the movement kept me calm.  And anyone that knows me won’t be surprised to hear that I had my Pooky bear with me the entire time.  I don’t know how I would’ve stayed calm if I couldn’t hug my bear the whole time.  It’s not an experience I would wish on anybody.

I have no way of visually identifying my assailant.  I never saw his face.  I have only the DNA (tested at least twice, once on the defendant’s request) that tells me that this is the man that did this to me.   I hope to God it’s right and that he can never do this to another girl again.

My mother testified today.  Under NYS law, I am not allowed back into the courtroom until closing arguments and for the verdict.  At the very least, I don’t want to be working when I get the phone call with the verdict (though I pray it’ll be the answer I want to hear.)  My ADA has 8 other witnesses (including my mom) left to testify.  Yesterday was the DNA expert and I.  Today at least was going to be my mom and the nurse present when I showed up at the hospital.  My father and sister wish to see the whole thing.

I want to say thank you to all those who have known/read my story and support me, either in person, words or in spirit.  You are all so kind and I can’t thank you enough.  I have the most amazing friends, even if I’ve never seen their faces they support me through it all.  Waking up this morning and seeing all the well-wishes that I had for yesterday lifted my spirits more than I can express.

To anyone that wishes to know details, I’m just a message away.  I don’t wish to post them all here for anyone who might be a little squeamish.  But if you truly desire to hear my story in its entirety, I will never mind telling it to you.

I love you all.

WB Unplugged: Rape

Cross-posted to The Angry Redhead.

Time for some writing.

Like I don’t already have enough stuff backed up, I was looking through the Writer’s Block Unplugged community today.

I’ve mentioned to you all before how LiveJournal does these question of the day things called Writer’s Block.  Well they have a whole community (like a forum) for “unplugged” questions.  That is, any question that’s a little too much for the PG13 content of the website.  They made the community adults only so you know what you’re doing and they ask a lot of rather odd questions.  Some are simply more gross or sexual and kinda goofy.  Others are really deep and heavy questions.  One of the back ones I stumbled across was:

“If an intoxicated man rapes a woman (intoxicated OR sober), should he still assume full responsibility? Or, like an intoxicated female, he’s too drunk to know what he was doing? Is it still rape if an intoxicated female consents to intercourse, or is she mentally incapacitated?”

The second question was easy to answer, at least for me, having studied rape law here in NY (at least a little bit.)

Continue reading “WB Unplugged: Rape”