Conservatism and Misogyny: Same?

WARNING: I used a lot of bad language in this.  Forgive me.

So, I shared this picture on Facebook:

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And the first comment I receive is from a friend going “Fucking really? Spare me.”

Now, I don’t take crap like that lying down, so my first response (done via mobile at work) was:

I love you, but you’re not female.

I have been told before that my stranger rape was my fault because I didn’t do enough to prevent it.

I have been told that I’m a slut for using birth control, by random people in line at the pharmacy who don’t know me or my situation.  Pharmacists right now in this country deny women birth control based on false stereotypes, “religion” and “values.”  Women get vilified for going into women’s clinics by people who have no knowledge of the situation or reason, nor do they know what women’s clinics are even for, besides abortion.

And our lawmakers are mostly old white MEN.  Do I even need to remind you about the ACA panel on birth control that contained NOT ONE SINGLE WOMAN on it?

There is a huge problem with this in our country.  But you’re a man, so unless you decide to really educate yourself, you’ll never experience or even see it happen.

The response from him went as such:

I have educated myself.  Please don’t confuse misogyny with conservatism.  There are quite a lot of variants within that mindset.  Gender biases are a polarizing thing in this country, being too aggressive one way or the other won’t help the situation.  Unfortunately, these old fuckers on capitol hill won’t change, but they’ll be dead soon.  That’s the only thing to look forward too.

Continue reading “Conservatism and Misogyny: Same?”

Boys to Avoid, or Stop Shitting on Teenage Feminism

So, I came across this picture on Tumblr.

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And beneath it was a whole boat-ton of really shitty comments bashing on the chick who made this for, well, pretty much making it. Except for #2 and #4, obviously. She’s smart on those two. I’m rolling my eyes so hard I can see my brain.

It was a lot of bashing the gender studies’ teacher that was proud of her for doing it, calling the OP “awful” for making it especially because it mentions feminism, it made the post all about bashing on this girl because they think she means “if you hate feminism you must be awful,” and “oh there should be one for guys” and…Apparently people get butthurt if you decide that you don’t want shitty people in your life.

I got pissed off. Why? Because I’m really fucking sick of people bashing on teenage girls that want to be feminist and are trying to discover why feminism exists and what it does. That is the entire reason they bashed on this girl. And I’m the one who’s “overreacting” for feeling that a) it was a very sexist attack and b) it doesn’t have to be about boys vs girls.

I am really fucking sick and tired of people hating on feminist girls for not liking boys all of the time. Because all you are doing is encouraging the stereotype of the man-hating feminist. I am a feminist (a liberal one mind you) and I am pretty much straight. I like boys. I date boys. I have a boy I want to marry.

But let me tell you now, boys are not all that great all of the time. And I really dislike the fact that you want to shit all over some girls that says “I want to date boys but there are some shitty ass men on this planet (I may have even had some encounters with some) so let me classify some of this so that those boys can stay the fuck away from me.” You hate on it and turn it around and be like “Then men need one so they can stay away from you”…

Well you’ve completely missed the point then haven’t you?

Continue reading “Boys to Avoid, or Stop Shitting on Teenage Feminism”

In Defense of Emilie Autumn

This rant is on this blog and not on my ranty blog because it’s a popular media rant.

A little background as to why I’m writing this.

I’m trying to change my Tumblr theme.  Again.  And I found this cute little Sailor Moon “Fight Like a Girl” artwork.  And I was like “Hey, I can use this with some cute lolita theme and make it all Emilie Autumn and badass cutesy-ness.”  So I Googled EA so that I could amass pics of her (because I lost my former collection when I lost my old computer.)  And I see in the bar above the images some related things and one says “Violin Bow Incident” so being the curious cat I am, I clicked on it.  Sigh.  Bullshit…bullshit…bullshit…did I expect to find anything here really?  But then I see this confessions sort of thing and it says this:

I hope my patients never find out about EA.  She does exactly what you SHOULD NOT DO when it comes to mental illness; lets it define her, rule her life, and uses it as an excuse to be cruel, insensitive and avoid her obligations.

What what?

Okay, I’m an EA fan yes.  But I’m not crazy stalker fan type.  As y’all have seen here on Tumblr, I like a butt-ton of things.  I obsess over a lot.  Right now, I’d tell you that I’m far and away more interested and obsessed over wrestling than EA.  And I actually keep up with Veronica Varlow more than EA herself.

But what?

Let me just…

Continue reading “In Defense of Emilie Autumn”

A Message to “The Other McCain.”

If you want to know how I got involved, the girl that this idjit bullied is over at this blog.  She’s a sweet girl, and chronicles the unnecessary harassment over on her blog.

Poor sweet Sophia.  You have got yourself a bona-fide crazy idiot on your hands.  Any sane person reading that original post is going to think the same thing.

As it stands, I have detected nothing wrong in your responses to such character attacks.  The only thing I would ever advise you against is reading the comments on the other person’s posts.  Just don’t do it.  It only causes unnecessary stress.  Pretend the comments don’t exist and focus your efforts on the OP because that’s where the attack is coming from.  Think of it like a video game boss.  OP is the boss, the comments are the little minions trying to distract you.  Ignore the minions, take them out with a super move (broad, sweeping comment) and focus the rest of your efforts on dismantling the big mean boss.

 

Meanwhile, Mr. McCain….

Where do you think you get the right?

Miss Sophia’s blog is a personal one.  That is, it is her safe space to talk about what’s going on in her life and to help her explore herself and who she wants to be in this world.  Some of her posts don’t even require comments – that’s what the little star “like” button is for.  Sometimes the only comments needed are ones that boost her up when she’s feeling down or share in a defining moment.  Occasionally she writes articles that incite discussion.  Those are for the purpose of hearing the thoughts of others and redefining what she thinks she knows of a certain topic.

Her blog is not, however, here for you to pick and choose behaviors to judge.

Continue reading “A Message to “The Other McCain.””

A Response to a Feminist Discussion

[Original post can be found here.]

YES YES YES.

For one, I really truly get annoyed when people confuse biological sex and gender.  Because biological sex can’t be controlled, and gender can because gender is the one that’s a social construct.  Refusing medical treatment based on your biological sex because you don’t believe in gender shows a basic ignorance of what each of them actually are.

I love your definition of patriarchy and how it couples with andocentrism.  What a lot of feminists don’t seem to understand is that the andocentrism is the part that hurts men.  I especially liked “assumes that male norms operate throughout all social institutions and become the standard to which persons adhere.”  That right there shows just how the patriarchy hurts everyone, male and female alike, because it makes men feel like they need to live up to these standards that are set too high to begin with and these are the standards that are made to hurt women. Doesn’t matter if it makes these men uncomfortable, they need to do it to live up to societal standards.

I also love how you realize that society as a whole – not just males, not just white people, not just [insert group here] – has created the problems we have today.  Society is huge and complex and things didn’t just become the way they are by a huge group of people (ex: all the men) with a collective mindset enforcing them that way.

I love how you talk about where the real inequality is.  Yes, under the law, women enjoy a much more equal status now than ever before.  That doesn’t mean that inequality doesn’t exist.  No one went after erectile dysfunction medication and whether or not the Affordable Care Act (ACA) should provide for it.  But there were weeks and months of debate about whether birth control (a female only drug) should be provided for.  Yes, legally we have the freedom to access an abortion.  In reality, it’s nearly unaffordable without insurance and many insurance companies refuse to cover it.  Also, depending on your state and how strict the laws are, there may only be a handful of abortion providers for hundreds of thousands of people.  Does that sound like equality?

I also saw the inequality being pushed on us in that military thing.  So very many people didn’t realize that women did not enjoy the right to fight in a combat position in war.  It’s not that we never volunteered; it’s that we were not permitted to do so due to that prevailing point of view that women are too weak to do so.  I’m sure there are plenty of (not outright) discriminatory practices that are in place so that women aren’t allowed to work some of the dangerous jobs men do because of that prevailing mindset.

And I enjoy how you talk about the fact that it’s ourselves that are our worst enemies.  I actually do not see men doing half of the slut-shaming or judging of women that women do to themselves.  None of the men I have dated (and I can count about 7 actual boyfriends) have cared about whether I wore my hair up or down, wore makeup or not, wore perfume or not, shaved or didn’t (actually the only bitch I heard about that was that I needed to maintain it because the grow-in can be scratchy.)

Women, on the other hand, are the most critical of other women.  ”She dresses like a slut” “She’s so easy” “It gives men the idea we’re all like that”… when in fact, it doesn’t.  We’re just so paranoid.  [Which, by the way, is part and parcel of the inequality we’re fighting against and the patriarchy that does, in fact, exist.]

In particular, I think it’s these radfems who spout stuff like “all heterosexual sex is rape” that gives feminism a bad name and makes women (who I would consider feminists, even if they don’t use the term) afraid to be associated with the movement.  It gives misogynistic men the evidence to point to when they say “all feminists are crazy” and it gives women such a fright that they won’t say they’re feminists for fear that they’ll end up as forever alone cat ladies because men won’t wanna be near them.

My Feminism

[In response to this Tumblr post here.]

My feminism is sex-positive.  Sex is not the be-all, end-all of a woman and what she can do.  Who, when and how she has sex is nobody’s business but hers.  If you are safe, sane and consensual with whatever your kink is, then that kink is your own business.  Do what makes you feel good.  What you do in the bedroom doesn’t affect anyone else’s life – just yours and your partners.

My feminism believes that porn is fine, so long as it is between two consenting adults who are practicing their sexuality safely and sanely.  A woman has the right to do with her body what she wishes.  If she wants to accept money, goods or other services for sex then she should be able to – but only if she wants to.  Or hell, if you just get off on other people watching you fuck, that’s fine too.

[I firmly believe that making prostitution as safe and as legal as the porn industry could reduce a lot of problems and bring tax revenue to states – rather than costing taxpayers millions to arrest, prosecute and keep a man in jail just for wanting to pay someone to lay him.]

My feminism realizes that other factors are involved in oppression, and can result in people who are both simultaneously oppressed and privileged.

My feminism knows that gender is a social construct, but doesn’t mind if you’re a girl that likes pretty things or a boy that wants to play sports.  Embracing aspects of both gender roles, a single gender role or no gender roles is what makes us all unique and not mannequins.

My feminism knows that the current socialization of gender can be harmful to others, but that those with body dysmorphia are not only uncomfortable with their gender, but with their biological sex too.  And it’s okay to want to transition to the opposite sex.

My feminism knows that biological sex and gender are two different things, and one of them is constant while the other is a social construct.

My feminism also knows that acknowledging biological sex is not the same as “enforcing gender roles” and that each sex had different upkeeps and physical/medical things that go along with it.  Happy and safe and healthy includes getting the proper medical care for your biological sex, regardless of what gender you identify with.

My feminism believes gender should be abolished, but realizes that it is an idealistic/utopian goal that doesn’t necessarily work in the real world, and it doesn’t shame women who want to be feminine or men that want to be masculine.

My feminism realizes that the patriarchy hurts men just as much as it can hurt women, and that men can be allies and not enemies.  Not all men are the vocal, hateful minority.  There are many good men out there who would like to see the same rights given to women that they have.

My feminism recognizes that the patriarchy hurts men by forcing them into masculine gender roles they’re not comfortable with either and that it silences male victims of traditionally female-victim crimes.

My feminism recognizes that, just as straight people can be allies for the LGBTQ community, men can be allies for the feminist cause.

My feminism doesn’t prioritize any woman over another, because to do so would cause oppression for the women you don’t prioritize.  All women are equal.  In fact, all humans are equal.  Non-white women are not more special than other women, and lesbians are not more special than heterosexuals.  We’re all in this together.

My feminism recognizes that, while trans people who were raised male might have some male privilege, that by being trans they are subject to a lot of hate and violence and that makes them allies to the cause.  Trans people have just as many struggles as the rest of us, and to ignore or marginalize them is what provokes anger from them – and rightfully so.

My feminism doesn’t marginalize you because of your biological sex or your gender identity.  If you’re trans and you go through the long and arduous process of reassigning you’re gender, you’re entitled to be treated as the new biological sex you are.

My feminism supports gender equality, because the moment you decide that one sex/gender is superior, you have bought into the patriarchal lie that someone has to be better than another.

My feminism understands that relationships between men and women in society are complicated and multi-faceted.  Women have experienced chronic oppression in history, but that not all history treats women badly.  There have been many kick-ass and famous strong women in history.  It is something to be proud of.

My feminism supports all other forms of feminism, so long as the individuals that are a part of it don’t promote hate and violence.  There are always going to be fringe people who spout hate and violence and crazy-talk, but they are not to be taken seriously and they are not the basis by which to judge all other feminists.

My feminism understands that completely breakdown and anarchy is not the way to fix the problems of the patriarchy.  That process is long and complicated and that sometimes that change that we seek will happen slowly – by teaching your children to be better than the society they’re born in.